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7 Things England Can do ....

So much talk is going on about England's lowest ever in its cricket history. Here are 7 things that they can do to improve the situation.

1. Invent a time machine: Go back to the 18th century, and change the law to something as follows: Criminals would remain in England, and for each criminal one innocent person would be exported to Australia. This reverse chain reaction would have created a strong England team (i.e. Aus team).

2. LBW: Remove LBW law from the cricket rules. This allows a perfect replacement of England cricket team with their stronger football (soccer) team. Players like Beckham, Gerrard will play far far better than the current cricket team: of course they'll kick every ball.

3. Medal of Shame: Just because they won ONE Ashes series, all of them got MOH awards. Now, establish a rule that allows the Queen to present Medal of Shame. May be then at least Flintoff's proud players will do something.

4. Make the ECB pay a bonus every time Duncan Fletcher smiles. He usually has a look as though he has just been robbed of 1m$.

5. Attack Shane Warne....by sledging
Invent more sledging methods against players like Shane warne. One particular example: Ian Bell walks in the middle. Before facing his first ball, he gets a ring from his mobile. He takes out the phone, and says 'Oh text message....dirty one', Shane it is for you, from a nurse". During the drinks break, ask Shane if he needs some drugs, and you could get it for him through the england dressing room. etc, etc!

6. Bring down Mc Grath...
Before the start of a test match, put lots of cricket balls completely covering the ground. Wait & Pray that Mc Grath will step on to one of them. That ball also would be awarded a 'Medal of Honor'.

7. Pieterson (reminds me of a frog)
Teach him not to come down the track for every ball, and it is PERFECTLY okay to play from the crease. Currently he has fractured his rib, and remind him that something else could be broken too....
>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dROB7_eZa14<<


-----------------------
P.S: Just for fun!!!

Title Defence Off To a Shaky Start

:: by Harish ::

Friday was the day when the Spring Season of the Indoor League kicked off. We started our campaign against Down N Out at 10 pm. Prior to the match, there was a team meeting where team ‘KAPTAN ‘ Mummoorthy addressed the team explaining the new strategy of giving responsibilities to a set of 5 players in both the batting and bowling dept. and encouraging all of us to give our best shot. Kicha, our toss man, won the toss and had no hesitation in batting first. Kicha and Kaushik opened the batting. Moorthy’s advice seemed to have the right effect on our openers who batted beautifully.

Kaushik in particular was in sublime form driving and flicking off his hips. He seemed to be in exceptional touch. Kicha at the other end was scratchy to start with but then grew in confidence. Our opponents seemed down and out and were clueless about how to bowl to our openers. After a good solid start the openers fell in quick succession. Kaushik was looking to accelerate when he fell trying to clear long on. Kicha who had always problems sighting the ball (inspite of new eye glasses with correct vision) followed him. Jaggu and Sreeram replaced them, lived dangerously. The calling and running between the wickets kept us at the edge of our seats. Jaggu soon was walking back after a terrible mix up. What followed was chaotic, a procession of wickets. We finished at 90, an average score considering the start. It was up to our bowlers to deliver the goods. Moorthy and Jaggu were as usual lively and were giving problems to their openers. After the initial break thru wickets started falling. Yagna, Bharath and Koushik who replaced our opening bowlers also chipped in with useful wickets. They were 5 down for around 30 and things looked rosy. The tide turned. Positive batting from their lower order and some bad bowling from us kept the match interesting. Kicha, our coach [ரொம்ப கோச்சுகிறவன்] for the match, was livid and was really upset with the number of extras we were conceding [46 for this match]. They needed 30 from the last 5. Game on. Yagna bowled an amazing over where he was on the spot and gave nothing away. After that over the match was pretty much sealed. Finally, Bharath finished the match by bowling a tight last over. We had scrapped through!

We had won but our performance left a lot to be desired. After the game Ashwin and Moorthy worried about our performance in the match and how we needed to tighten up our game for us to defend the title successfully. I am sure we will get better as there is scope for tons of improvement.

Bottom line: Ashwin, Bharath, Harish, Jaggu, Karthik, Kaushik, Kicha, Moorthy, Sreeram, Yagna

[greener the normal, bluish the better, reddish the worse]

May you rest in peace, Nattu!

Hey almighty! Move over and share that seat with our beloved founder of Virtual Reality. For you had already committed the mistake of taking him on your team, a lot early.

Nattu (Natraj Iyer to all those poor souls who didn't get to know him) met with a fatal accident on 31st Dec, 2006, exactly a week ago. Its reported that his van went airborne on hitting the median and landed on the opposite side of the highway and rolled to a stop. I pray for his soul to rest in peace.

Imagine a bag of or a room full of, even better imagine a truckload of ideas generated every minute. Add to that the maximum amount of cheer, indomitable spirit and sea full of friendliness and now you can get an idea of what a person Nattu was. Nattu may not be known for punctuality, geekiness, astonishing mathematical skills etc. But if you were looking for a smart, cherubic, team leader with perseverance and a go-getter, Nattu would have been the ideal answer.

One fine day in 2002/3, Nattu uttered that the official team of Purdue university cricket club (PUCC) is no more the place for enjoying cricket especially when it comes to the indoor tournaments. Everyone doesn't get a fair chance to play and its only a set of 3 or 4 people who get to do anything. Nattu included yours truly and Srini (another specimen from PRECISE+Tamil combination) into an immediate high level committee and thereby was born PUCC II team. Even though people were discontent with the PUCC affairs they were not willing to do anything about it. Nattu put the foot forward and formed the new combination that included an amazing set of individuals ranging from great talents to sheer hobbyists. But they were a team! They gained instant accolades and went on to win tournaments. Then PUCC II became 'Nawab's navaratan Biryani' reflecting the color of desi life with the right spices. And after the Brownestone Gang merger along with Tamilisation became the present 'Virtual Reality', the current ruling champions. And it all started with you Nattu, we'll remember you for that.

Having worked with Nattu in the Shape Search group, which once again was the result of his idea, and have founded and played with him as PUCC II and also have partied with Nattu and gang, I can certainly tell you that Natraj was a great team leader who is simply fun and joy to work with or party with or whatever you may choose to do. Our deep heartfelt condolences go to Emily, Nattu's remaining half. We shall cherish those memories, oh Nattu, may your soul rest in peace. You were a true sport!

Sneaky Singles: technical kisukisu

Sneaky singles frustrate the opposition team, yet they are real and joy to players who are sneakers. They add 1 to the total, and also to the striking batsman. And in local parlance, it means kisukisu. Now we list several sneaky singles, which we believe are true to our knowledge. Yet, we leave it to the reader's imagination and curiosity to explore further.

• The curtain is about to lift for another season in Purdue's indoor league. The toppled champions are heavily plotting various strategies to re-claim the title. Another recent incident proves this claim i.e. a secret meeting held among the three main members of that team: A lean left-arm fast bowler (note: a tail-end batsman), the smiling death i.e. a dashing opener who is ambidextrous, and the bomber of tora-bora mountains. Though the only news that has reached us is that the meeting was just about strategies, we'll not be fooled. It has been decided that we will not release all we know in this blog. A rather interesting note to the reader is that the meeting happened without the player who was at the helm of their team during the last season. It is rumored that there is an expulsion order waiting for someone, and our guess is none other the X missing in that meeting.....wait & see
• Anti-consultant is on a trip across US to provide us with some new insights on cricketing intelligence. There's a meeting scheduled in Chicago on Dec 29. It is expected that top players from VReality will attend this meeting.
• In our recent interview with the top-scorer of the Fall 2006 finals, the following saying was uttered more than once: "chingathukku pallu pochunaalum, chingam chingamdhaan". .......interesting remark! [ Note: chingam went through a dental operation in Nov, 2006 ]
  

See you in our next edition of sneaky singles!

The Sneakers

Note: Do send in your entries for this column.

The missing three

In our team picture, three main figures were missing, and here they are: Appu, Guru and Sreeram.

Appu [ VReality : 2006 - Current ]

Guru [ VReality : 2006 ]

Sreeram [ VReality : 2006 - Current ]

Come on Dravid, you got to be kidding!

All hardcore team India cricket fans must have read Dravid's talk on the eve of the first test in South Africa series. Dravid's speech can be written programmatically as follows:

/* Question variables:
* Topic: can be anything like fielding, bowling, strategy
* state: Boolean - Good/Bad
*/
Dravid_Response(Topic, state)
{
array lots_of_boys; // stores all the boys and related words in the universe
array indian_record_stats; // some crap record relating to ground, team, series
array feelings; // stores all the big feelings like motivation, inspiration, dedication

response = random_entry each_from lots_of_boys + record_stats + feelings;
return response + random_sentence_completion_words; // like keenly, focus...
}

One must really praise the reporters to make an article out it. More especially when he tries to make it sound intimidating to the opponent team. Now that Ganguly is in the same hotel wing, Dravid should take evening lessons from him on "arrogance: a must for a captain". Hopefully India performs better. Being a spiritual country, we fans know that the real secret for India's win lies in the strength of our prayers than the selected team. Let us all begin our prayers! Amen [thathasthu].

"Return of the King...forgive me, the Prince!"

"What do we do now, Gandalf. How do we escape from the destruction of middle-earth?".

Gandalf, with a thoughtful face, replied " Master Hobbit, Pippin of the shire,no one can escape the malice of this aus-dor evil..even the shire-folks who play peaceful cricket in brownstone, corec or armory will come under attack one day. This dark lord has determined to destroy each and every cricket-child born in middle-earth Myindia. But, don't let your heart be troubled. The dark lord is evil enough, but the king...forgive me, the prince will return and save us".

Pippin was still unconvinced, "Dark lord was dead...killed long back"..before he could finish the statement, the flash-news on TV was showing Gregourn (i.e. our version of sauron) talking to reportes "our team is still young, so we lost by 100 runs. But We can do much better than this..." and then Grgourn relased a wicked smile, which only Gandalf could decode. The great wizard thought to himself "Note that wicked smile on his face..when he says much better, he means that to get defeated by 150 runs in our next match.."

"Master Pippin, you should understand onething; Gregourn has returned. His spirit was lurking around in Aus-dor to get an opportnity to return to life. Once it got the position as the doom-coach to the Myindia team, it grew much stronger, and even taking up a human form, as you can see. Then slowly it kicked out the elves, and men, and recruited orcs and uruk-hais into the team, and the most dangerous ring-wraiths. He has recruited 3 ring-wraiths, as I hear....Ra-in-bo`w, son of sures-shish, Pat-ana`e son of Irfanish, and the most evil Aj-ii`it A-aa-gaaa-kar. He has put a spell on remaining people". Gandalf suddenly paused here for a moment, and looked slowly at all the sides confirming no spies were around and continued...

"That is why you see the captain Draw-out-wits of Ragullom always repeating the same set of sentences 'Boys are young and we must play well'. However he does not realise that he has been saying this for the past 2 decades. Note that ragullom sounds like "raagu gaalam", the most ancient curse in the language of tam-dor land."

"But how come we have so many supporters for him, knowing Gregourn is bad", asked Pippin.

"It is the black magic. Everyone believed his tricks as he is from the land of aus-dor, and trusted that he is a good coach. However, he is the evil to wipe out the lives of cricket-men & cricket-elves"

"Gandalf, I cannot anymore listen to this evil story. What is the solution to all of this", Pippin asked with the atmost concerned look ever a hobbit has had in history.

"My dear little hobbit, you've asked the right the question at the right moment. The prince is going to return and defeat the Dark Lord Gregourn. In fact, he has returned!"

Pippin thinks little more, and his face brightens slowly when he realises that the prince is none other than:

"Sau-ar-gon, son of Gang-thorn"

With this, the conversation ends, and Pippin goes to sleep. The wizard Gandalf sets on his shadowfax for a journey to the capitol of middle earth, Gon-del`h-or.

[based on the news story http://o3.indiatimes.com/diva/archive/2006/11/30/2806066.aspx ]

Kathai, Karpanai, Vasanam & Direction,
Brownstone Cricketer.

The Slower One

Now that the season is over, like true champions, we shall analyze our fall season's performance in this and upcoming articles. We expect phantom reports from our special anti-consultant [you just do opposite of what he says] Appu. In this article we want to talk about the find of this past season - the slower one. Actually it should be 'the slower ones' as there are two versions which has come to the fore, this season - the 3M version and the abracadabra version.

The biggest worry for the team is the out-of-form of Mummoorthy, the 3M, the real slower one. 3M has come in 'XL' size this season, that's a double upgrade straight from 'M'. We didn't know that that when somebody is out-of-form he also cant field and catch. It has become appallingly clear that 3M will make a very good typist as can be witnessed whenever any round object approaches in towards him. But being a phoenix like Sachin Tendulkar, 3M has promised to rise from [after] the Ashes [series] and work on the basics and get fit and in touch before the spring season. These days, anything anybody wants to give 3M, he wants them to roll it as a ball and throw at him. That way he can practice simple catching. This is in addition to his daily running - hundred rounds around the dining table at his place. Now this has become so serious that he refuses to read the emails we send unless we print it out and roll it into a ball and throw at him. Well, it's all for the team's cause and that's what is defined as "commitment" in oxford dictionary!

The abracadabra slower one is the slickest salvo that has worked well for the Virtual Realists this season. This slower one from the Yagna's repertoire has worked every time as can be seen from his tally of wickets for the season. The Captain too has cleverly used this reliable weapon as part of the team's strategy, e.g. the breakthroughs in the final title match. So what does this ball do? The ball is actually delivered in the off spin release, a typical slow ball variation used by legendary pace bowlers, with the normal stride. The unique thing here being the gripping of the ball by Yagna which doesnt involve the thumb at all! Normally the batsman doesnt have to worry with Y's bowling as it is harmless at best. But then how would he expect such a bowler to even have a variation and that too a slower one? There in lies the secret power. Surprisingly our own 3M refuses to believe in the slow ball strategy. But then he doesn't believe in so many other things like "Sachin" the phenomenon. Didn't we say that 3M has lots to catch up with?

[next an ode to the three new soogies (rookies)]

Purdue Indoor League Champions - Fall 2006

!!! The Virtual Reality team wins the Indoor League Championship Title!!!


[Indoor League Champions - Virtual Reality Team]



Here's the picture of team members. This was taken right after the final match on Nov 18, 2006, approximately at 12:15 pm. Front row, from left: Karthik, Kaushik, Yagna, Chintan(sub). Back row, from left: Madhavan (sub), Krish, Ashwin(captain), Bharath, Harish, Jaiganesh(aka Jaggu), Mummoorthy.


The two weekend matches turned out be nothing short of what we had in mind: intense, intense and more intense. It was obvious that the title would go to the team that held their nerves in crucial moments....

The semi-final against Tap-Sum-Bhang started on a positive note for us as we won the toss. Not considering the last season's loss against the same team in the semi-finals when we batted first, captain Ashwin elected to bat first. Both the teams were highly charged up for this battle for quite sometime. At the stroke of 10 pm, Midhun and Chintan swung the newly taped ball beautifully. Too soon, VR struggled at 24/4. Then the two crucial partnerships came through Ashwin-Jaggu, and Ashin-Yagna combinations. Ashwin produced one of memorable knocks under pressure, and under pain caused by cramps. We ended up at 89 in 15 overs. Tap-Sum-Bhang lost a quick wicket in the second over, as cool Harish picked up his gully catch of Ronnie. Sachin-Chintan tried to steady the ship by playing defensive strokes. Unfortunately for them, the asking rate was climbing up steadily due to tight bowling by Jaggu & Mum. Ashwin provided the next breakthrough by removing Chintan, foxing him with a full toss ball that was hit straight to Kaushik at the long off boundary. Now, something happened that we didn't expect: one caught behind, two run outs of their main batsmen in the span of 6 balls...Sachin, Vijay & Ruchir were back in the pavilion. the game was almost over. I think they were all out for something around 55. Chasing 90 in 15 overs under pressure, quick wickets and some tight bowling did them in.


On Nov 18, 2006 at 9:30 am we played our finals against Punjabi pride. This team had qualified at top of the table in the first round. Though we had lost to them in a league match, that didn't bother us much...all we wanted was to win! However, this thought didn't reflect in our batting when we decided to bat first after winning yet-another toss (Kicha special). Mummoorthy failed again with the bat, edging an innocuous ball, an outswinger by Upjeet. The selection committee will have a strong look at his performance before sitting down to select a team for the next season. He has been advised to go back to domestic circuit (i.e. brownstone, corec) and gain some experience.

Next, Jaggu went in to join Kicha. A quick word on Kicha's commitment: Just the previous day, he dashed into Karthik on the field while backing up a throw. He could only walk, with lot of pain. But still, he realized that we didn't have enough players for the finals, and decided to come. Not only he batted beautifully with lots of brave shots, he also kept on encouraging players from outside when we were bowling. Great commitment! The man-in-form Jaggu also got out quickly. Our situation was getting worse, as Jaggu was one of our top batsmen this season. He had been scoring consistently in almost all the matches, and and to lose him early in the innings was a big blow. The next to go was Bharath, who unfortunately got out to a wide ball. Bharath also had a twin failure in two consecutive matches. Though he contributes greatly with his fielding skills, selectors will be critical of his recent form with the bat. Considering his overall performances in this league, it is however expected that he'll easily walk into the next season's team. 3 wickets down for less than 20 runs, Kaushik was asked to keep the one end steady, while Krish was scoring freely at the other end. However, Punit had other ideas, bowled a neat off-cutter to the right hander ( reminded me of akram's special) and got a lbw of Kaushik. Now, we were struggling. 4 wickets down for <25.

Ashwin, the captain joined Krish in the middle. Just the previous night, he walked in to the field in a much similar situation, and produced a brilliant innings. From the first ball he faced, it looked like he was going to continue where he had left. Neat stokes, on the back foot, and front foot made the bowling team to go on the defensive. Their focus shifted from getting wickets to containing runs. As krish hit a straight six of the spinner at this time, the momentum swung in our way. Ashwin & Krish were playing very well, and the partnership was going very strong. Krish finally got out, after playing a great innings, with his injury. Next to bat, Karthik hit some very useful runs, and gave a crucial company for Ashwin. When Karthik got out, Yagna, who was part of the big partnership in the semi-finals, joined Ashwin. Trying to accelerate in the end overs, Ashwin got out to a nice catch by Sukdeep. Harish & Yagna added few more, and our innings came to end with 80 on the board.

Jaggu's first over was steady as usual, threatening with pace and bounce. In the second over they lost their first wicket to a fine catch by Kaushik at the long off boundary. First four overs, though, were bowled well, lacked the penetration to fetch more wickets. Ashwin and Yagna bowled the next spell. Yagna provided the breakthrough we desperately wanted. His second ball, a slower one landed on the middle stump...Though we didn't know what exactly happenend, later on we were told by Yagna the background story of this ball....the following picture shows him explaining what was the secret behind that wicket.....

[ Yagna...explaining the secret formula]



Long long ago, so long ago, and nobody can say how long ago, there lived a saint Sachidhaananda munivar. He knew everything in the world...from playing cricket to acting in ads. He taught the kutti Yagna, the 3 year old, who had lots of sada mudi, the method to "ball-ai mandhirikka"? Mandhiricha ball-ai three times thalai-ayi chuthi bowling pottal, the ball will be attracted to the middle stump. Idhu dhaan concept. Aaana, in the previous match against Punjabi Pride, namma Yagna-kku andha special mandhiram marandhu pogivittadhu. So, he put a wrong mandhiram on the ball....so that the ball was attracted to the big eagle picture on the straight wall...that was the sole reason all his balls went there..i.e. sixers!!! However, our determined Yagna went back to his basics, recalled the mandhara properly, and came ready for the finals match. Mandhiricha ball dhaan bamboozled the batsman, and got him bowled.


This is what happenend in the match....as soon as Yagna relased the "mandhiricha" ball, the batsman swung his bat once, twice, thrice...alas..the ball hadn't reached his bat yet..so he decided to have some rest before he started to swing his bat again...but then the mandhiricha ball had crashed on to his middle stump. The elated Yagna immediately thanked the Sachidhaanandhar......wonder why Yagna usually has long hairs...that's how he shows his respect for that "maga muni"!


Back to Cricket...After yagna provided the two crucial strikes, the match was nicely poised at the end of 10th over. They needed 30 runs in 30 balls. Jaggu had 1 over left, Mummoorthy 2 overs & Ashwin 2 overs left. Upjeet, one of their main batsmen, had just come on to the crease. Mummoorthy bowled the 11th over, and gave away 2 runs. So, 4 overs 28 runs. Ashwin bowled the 12th over, and a misfield by Yagna (apparently busy, was engaged in virtual conversations with his guruji) at the boundary meant 3 overs, 20 runs required. Ashwin also removed Upjeet, who hit a clean shot to the long off boundary, where kaushik took an excellent catch, plucked the bullet-like-ball from 10 feet high. 13th over, bowled by Mummoorthy, was taken for 3 runs. So, two overs remaining & 17 runs to win. They still had enough wickets in hand. Jaggu bowled a very tight over, gave away 4 runs, and took a wicket. So, the equation had become: 1 over, 13 runs to win. Ashwin bowled the last over, and gave away 7 runs. So, we won by 5 runs! What a match it was. Till the last ball was bowled, no one could say who would win. Punjabi pride fought well till the end, kudos to them for providing an excellent end to the league.

So, here we are, with the championship title. The question is...does this mean anything more than a cup? I think the answer is yes and no. Yes, because we wanted to win the title, we believed we deserved to win the title, and we enjoyed playing cricket professionally and ethically, more than any other team. So, the cup assures this in some ways. On the other hand, title is for this semester alone. We need to maintain the rigor, passion, and interest we have at the moment, and continue playing quality cricket in the future tournaments as well.

This will be an incomplete symphony if we don't mention the veterans of the Virtual Reality team: Appu, Sreeram and Guru. These three played, and performed at the highest level for us. It is impossible to find replacements for them. Sreeram, hopefully willl join us in the future. Appu & Guru have already passed on their personal wishes, and have consistently shown great enthusiasm as shown by any player currently playing in our team......!!!

Have a great break guys, you deserve this!!!

Scorecards at: http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~crikclub/modules/cricketstats/

Ashes Fever

Almost every cricket soul is getting caught in the ashes fever. One wonders why this much interest when aussies are going to roll over england for sure...but who knows...this is what everyone thought, and everything was going according to the script until Mr. Pigeon stepped on his own weapon (i.e. cricket ball). Anyways, this is definitely a must read...

http://blogs.cricinfo.com/ashesbuzz/archives/2006/11/the_top_ten_ash.php

Let us know which one you liked most!!!

Dravid walks naked onto the field ...

relatively speaking.....says Peter Roebuck.

[ dravid....puppet of Greg Chappel]

http://www.sportstaronnet.com/stories/20061111004301900.htm

A very interesting & truthful article by Peter, one of few respectable authors in cricketing world.

The following piece sums what I believe should be happening in Indian Cricket.

"....Contrastingly Pathan, a much younger man, has been asked to lead the attack. Inevitably his form comes and goes. He is still an apprentice. Munaf Patel and Sreesanth are in the same boat, novices who ought to be learning the craft, not carrying the hopes of a nation."

Think about it, International cricket is just international cricket. This is the ultimate level you can reach. How come we have so many wayward bowlers, overrated batsmen, and a spineless captain who does not take any bold decisions.

"Inexperience is a weak explanation for failure. As Vengsarkar says: "At the highest level there is no sympathy. Once you get there, you have to compete with the best. You induct players when they're ready for international cricket, whether they're 15 or 21 or 18 it doesn't matter. Once inducted you expect the same results from them as any cricketers, you can't say you're young or just started."
- http://www.sportstaronnet.com/stories/20061111005901000.htm

Again, another good article from Rohit Brijnath.

sourav ganguly runout

http://youtube.com/watch?v=njle_wRFz1Y

very funny video. ganguly looks very young, and confused.

First Post!

First one!